trouble (kudra) wrote,

Definitely defective.

What if I'm chasing something that isn't real? Sparks. The sense that you really couldn't live without the other person. I'm trying so hard to be logical about this. He's more than I deserve, really. The thing that hurt the worst when he cheated, is that he was really just confirming what I'd suspected all along. I wasn't enough.

He's done all the right things this past year, since the lawnmower fight. He doesn't bitch or act childish when I bring up shit that we have to be responsible about.  He's told me when he's pissed off, instead of letting it fester. Tons of the tiny things, to show me he's trying. Progress. Definitely progress. He understands the nights I find myself asking exactly who he hung out with last night, though they are few and far between. Don't ask how many times I ask the question internally, instead. When will I be able to trust him again, fully? Accidents happen, people make mistakes. I know that. This shit is no fucking fairytale, and it never has been. I'm no princess, and I won't ever inspire some knight's grand gestures. I'm average, in every damn way.

I feel SO guilty.
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