trouble (kudra) wrote,

Non, je ne regrette rien

I come to this place every so often and just sit, watching the blinking cursor. Fingers fly over keys and then "nah." A click of the X and this ADD girl is down some different rabbit hole of the internets. I found it much easier to pontificate and/or paraphrase when I was dissatisfied. The record is cringe-worthy in places, but I'm glad I have it. How come I don't feel the same effortless flow when it comes time to record the good things?

And things are good. I literally think to myself "whoa, you are THIS happy." Brings a certain smile to my face, and when he asks what it's for I just shake my head and shrug.

It's also in these "I'm just happy" moments that I find myself thinking about my good friend who took his own life last year. I wish he'd given himself the time to come out the other side- I wish he'd have let someone offer the perspective he gave me countless times over in my own dark times. I want to believe that he is somehow experiencing little happy moments wherever he might be.

Happy New Year, y'all.
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